Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Roach Encounters of the Third Kind

The hubby is very strict about cardboard on the boat.  Shipping boxes he won't even let come on board, and anything else cardboard gets taken to the trash almost immediately.  The first few times he mentioned this, I was like "ok, i get it, the cardboard gets wet and mildewy and just plain gross."  He quickly correctly me and informed me it was because of the roaches.
Roaches?  What?  Excuse me, I need you to say that again. 
I hate roaches.  I've never been lucky enough to encounter one of those small German roaches.  No, not me.  the roaches that I've always come into contact with have been the HUMOUNGOUS flying kind.  Palmetto bugs, tree roaches, whatever you want to call them.  They're the type that Raid doesn't even phase.  Instead, they're waking you up in the middle of the night like a meth addict hissing, "Hey, hey you, you got anymore of that spray?"
You may think I'm overreacting a tad, so let me share you a small story I wrote 3 years ago after such an encounter.
I've looked deep inside myself. I've mustered up the courage. And now, after many hours of deep breathing and near panic attacks, I feel that I can share w/ you........ my encounter w/ the Roach.
On Wednesday night I went to bed like any normal 29 year old female would. At 2:10am I woke up to use the bathroom. When I came back to bed Bella (my 20 lb Persian cat) had started crying. I tried petting her - didn't work. I got up to make sure she had food - food bowl full. I even turned on the bathtub faucet so that she could get a drink if she wanted - no luck. At about 2:45am I am at my whit's end and have resorted to throwing pillows. (Yeah, get off you high horse and be glad I didn't have a shoe.)
I felt myself drift off shortly before 3am. When! All of a sudden! I felt something "crawl" down my back. I leapt up in bed, threw my shirt off, and frantically starting trying to get whatever was on me, OFF!!!!! Once I felt secure that the perpetrator was no longer on my person, I put my glasses on and started searching in the bed. I searched for a good 30 seconds and then a MASSIVE roach sped along beside me. Using my pillow as a weapon I swept him of the bed.  (This was a feat of pure courage and athleticism on my part.)
Now in hindsight I probably should have turned on the light before I started looking for the "crawly thing", but I didn't. So I've decided to do it now. The roach on the floor is long gone by now, but had left a very odd looking pod in the bed w/ me. Internet research the next day led me to identify said pod as an egg sack. (Yes, you may go throw up now.)
Well it's not like i can sleep in my bed any longer, so at 3:15am I make my way to the couch. Fifteen minutes later and I have to pee...... again. So I go to the front bathroom and no sooner than I have started, the roach comes from behind the toilet and runs at my feet. So I am now, sitting on the toilet w/ my feet up in the air, trying to squish him w/ a plunger. He finally crawled under the bathmat, and I left him there so that I could finish what I was doing and go find the roach spray (feet still in the air).
Apparently, someone else had used all the ant and roach spray and all I could find was wasp and hornet killer. **sigh** So I bravely went back into the bathroom w/ the wasp and hornet killer in one hand and a plunger in the other. My exceptionally impressive roach herding skills came into play as I flushed him out from under the bathmat, sprayed him w/ the spray, and trapped him under the plunger. Yes.... I am THAT good.
And I left him there till the next morning for my little brother to dispose. This has nothing to do w/ me being deathly afraid of roaches and wanting to throw up every time I think of one. I just figured that I had done all of the hard work and he should pull his share of the weight. Really!!!!

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